Mama Unraveled!

I had my EKG for the baby's heart.  Lots of digging in my pelvis again.  The results are... inconclusive.  Awesome. Great. Wonderful. NOT!  I am done.  Done with doctors.  Done with poking and needles.  Digging till my belly is sore.  And DONE with worrying.  Ok, not done worrying.  I have enough on plate though to worry about already.  I do not need anymore 'what ifs'.  If you can tell me with 100% certainty, and none of this doctor says, "well, maybe, sorta, I can half ass tell you something..."  I want straight forward answers.  For the love of god, just tell me upfront, what is your professional opinion on the matter.  I wont sue you if your wrong (I guess they dont like to take chances.)  Anyway, I just want to spend the next 3 weeks of my pregnancy in peace and quiet, I would like to take some time to destress and maybe, perhaps enjoy the last few moments of feeling my baby kick inside me.  Cause that is was I do every 5 minutes, wonder if my baby is alright in those tight quarters.  I been living for the kicks, to sigh in relief that everything is still working in there.

I will give today a big thumbs up because in light of all that isn't going my way.  I realized as I came out of that appointment, throwing my hands up in the air in desbelief of doctors everywhere, I was thankful.  For the first time in the last few weeks, I was really thankful.  I wanted to take the time to not dwell on the what ifs, and find the good that I sometimes overlook day to day.

I get to see my little baby and know he is healthy.  It eases the worrying.

I get to hear his heart beat one more time.

I am aware and present.  I have come to love and appreciate every movement and kick.

I realized how beautiful it actually is to be pregnant.  In all the hussle and bussle of life, I keep forgetting to take pregnancy pictures.

I have taken a lot of time for myself lately.  My favorite is me time in a bubble bath.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that it was this or maybe not having another baby... that makes that decision really easy, hands down this, every time.

That I live so close to the nation's #1 children's hospital, It doesnt get better then that.  How can I not be thankful about this.

I feel pretty decent at this stage of pregnancy.  With age, its alittle tougher then the last pregnancy.  But I am still standing, still working,  haha, ok sometimes I sit to work.  Hey this baby is a heavy one.  (I carry this belly everyday, I know its heavier then the last one at least!)

My husbands sense of humor.  Our little family and friends... they are a rough around the endges crowd.  You learn to laugh at yourself, because everyone else is laughing at you too.

The power laughter and a smile brings, even when its from an innappropriate joke.

That my son may one day have his father's sense of humor.  I'll be a proud mama one day when someone says, "What happened to your face?"  and like father like son they will get a, "What happened to your whole face?"

Finding out my baby has giant feet.  I took back all the socks and shoes for a bigger size!

I will have two beautiful and healthy (they like to call it 'other-wise' healthy) children.

They say that cleft-affected (That's what I see it referred to as-- I am learning quickly.) children tend to be, I dunno-- nicer, kinder, less like tool bags later in life.

Today is a good day.